"Wild Gunman" - NES/Famicom

Steady... steady... steaaaadddyyy... FIRE! Evacuate the building, help the elderly and children, everyone remain calm!

There's some wordplay and association humor for you to start this party. Just a little taste of the quality you can expect going forwards.

... don't leave, I promise it'll get better.

----- Introduction -----

Aw man, time for Zapper games. That classic home console novelty, the light gun. It's not like you can use them anymore (unless you use an emulator or own a CRT like a crazy person, which I do, because I'm a crazy person), so you may not ever get the chance to play around with one. The Wii kinda tried to update that technology in a way that still works, and it does a serviceable job... the House of the Dead ports on there were pretty good...

Anyway, we're not talking about the Wii, we're talking about Wild Gunman-- which was the first Famicom "Beam Gun" (that's such a cooler name than "Zapper") game to come out for the system.

Apparently, the prototype version of the game was developed by Gunpei Yokoi (creator of the Game & Watch system) in 1974 and featured fancy full-motion video on a projector screen where you could duel with a cowboy. Unfortunately, that version doesn't exist anymore, but you can play this NES version instead.

Wild Gunman remains a pretty recognizable piece of the NES library today, for reasons I'm not entirely sure of. I guess people must have found it cool, because it lasts in the collective memory for no other apparent reason, in my opinion completely outshone by real NES games that are probably more worth remembering.

But let's just play it and see about that.

Get ready for some rootin', some tootin', and some cowboy shootin'.

----- Playing the Game -----

There are three modes in Wild Gunman, and I think I've neglected to check out some of the Game Bs in previous games for some reason (probably me being a bad person, friend, and game reviewer), so this time I made sure to check out all three. I'm glad I did, but more on that later.

The most iconic game mode of Wild Gunman is also undoubtedly the worst: in Game A, a cowboy walks out on screen very slowly, looks at you stupid for a couple of seconds, and then yells "Fire!" with a comic speech bubble. Your task is to fire faster than he fires. For the most part, this isn't that hard to do infinitely, at least with a mouse on an emulator.

Not that I would know anything about that, because I own a Zapper, NES, and CRT, and played this game on entirely legitimate hardware.

Playing it on an emulator out of convenience would be stupid. And bad.

This guy is actually an enforcer from Nintendo's anti-piracy squad.

Anyway, Game B in Wild Gunman starts getting a little more fun. In this mode, two cowboys (count 'em, two) come out from both sides of the screen, and your job is to shoot both of them before they shoot you.

That's, like, twice the fun as Game A.

How many times do I have to teach you this lesson, skinny cowboy man!?

Game C is decidedly the most entertaining of the modes, and I played it a couple times just for fun, which is saying a good bit for these types of games that mostly just repeat.

In this mode, you're staring at the front of a saloon, and the various outlaw scum from the other modes pop out of the windows, sometimes in groups of two or three, and you have to shoot all of them before they decide to shoot you, after staring at you and gauging whether you're too pretty to shoot for a few seconds.

Spoiler: you're pretty, but not that pretty, because they'll shoot you every single time.

----- Review -----

Spitting Rage: No!

Does the game make you want to tear your own organs out of your body?

This game is just good fun. It's hard to be mad at it when it's mostly a novelty.

Intuitive Design: Good

How easy is it to intuitively understand the game?

It's intuitive if you understand how a gun works and feel rage for men with moustaches and/or sombreros. Point and click.

Satisfying Gameplay: Good

How rewarding does playing the game feel?

P-KSSSHHHH.

That's the sound the Zapper makes to reward you aurally for shooting some guy's pants off.

It's a good sound.

"... and now you have me right where you want me..."

Game Depth: Shallow

How deep/long is the game?

The game is fun, but it's just shooting guys and that's it. I mean that's what lots of games are now I guess, but there's only a few screens and game modes, and ultimately you'll probably be entertained for about 15-20 minutes. But it'll be fun.

Sound Design: Minimal, Good

How's the sound?

P-KSSSHHH.

Graphics: Good

How's it look?

This is the first game I'm going to give a "good" to. The cowboy sprites are actually pretty detailed and things in this game just look a bit bigger and nicer and more detailed in general than in anything that came before it so far (on the Famicom). These are big sprites for an NES game.

Personal Chord: Actually, yes.

Does the game have that undefinable "something" for me?

I thought I was going to say no, but after playing the game for a little bit, you know what-- it is actually pretty fun, and I like cowboys. By which I mean the Clint Eastwood kind, not the "Brokeback Mountain" kind, though I haven't seen that movie yet so I'm open to that possibility. Don't spoil it for me.

These two are about to get into some manly gunslinging.
He's sizing up his partner's holster accessibility to make ready.

Play or Don't: Play

Should you waste your precious time?

There's something pretty enjoyable about this simple design and control. It may not have a lot of depth, and it may not entertain you for that long, but I think it's definitely worth jamming in your console slot and having a hot 15 minutes with it.

Man, these jokes need to stop.

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