"Mario Bros." - NES/Famicom

I'm writing and queueing up a significant amount of these so that they'll keep coming out daily even when I'm too lazy to do it on a daily basis. Is that smart? Or am I just fooling myself into thinking I'll keep up with this way longer than I actually will?

I'm not sure yet, I guess we'll see. If you've read even one of these, wow, thanks!

If you're just reading this one, wow, prepare to be disappointed! I'm your biggest fan, by the way.

----- Introduction -----

Oh, now we're getting into that ***NINTENDO QUALITY*** that you've heard so much about.

I mean, Donkey Kong is already some of that, but here's another great Nintendo first-party arcade title, ported to your very living room, for infinite play. Just imagine the kind of fun that you'll be able to have now that you don't have to spend all your quarters at the arcade! Infinite fun! It's literally infinite! You can literally play this game until you die and not run out of retries. Incredible.

So what's this Mario Bros. business you've heard so much about? I'll tell you.

Mario Bros. was one of the latest in the Nintendo arcade game lineup at the time it was ported to Famicom. Only 2 months old, it came out in July 1983-- but here it suddenly was available for home purchase in only September 1983. If that doesn't make you drool I don't know what will.

Mario Bros.'s home port looks marginally worse than the arcade version, and sounds... honestly it sounds a lot better if you ask me. The sounds coming out of the NES lack the fidelity of the arcade sounds, but they're way less annoying and more "Nintendo-esque," at least for my nostalgia of what that meant in the 80s (a time when everything was better, as I was not alive).

But is it fun?

----- Playthrough -----

I mean yeah.

In Mario Bros. you play as the now iconic Mario (or Luigi in two player mode), with a goal of running around in a sewer flipping over turtles and crabs and kicking them in the face. To be completely honest I have no idea what the narrative of this game is supposed to be. I guess Mario is a plumber, and all these critters are crittering up the sewer system, so he has to go stomp them all to death so our poop can be disposed of correctly.

The face of a cold-blooded killer.

Mario does this by running around fisting the bottom of platforms while the animals are on top, causing them to fly off and land on their head, harmless, where he can stomp their face in.

That turtle looks like he just got personally violated.

This game loops in a less obvious way than Donkey Kong, or Donkey Kong Jr.-- rather than having a set amount of levels that starts back from the beginning, it just sort of continues recycling previous stages while changing the types of enemies that come to make the game harder. 

Every once in awhile the monotony is broken up by a special stage which tasks you with collecting some coins, always in the same pattern, within a certain amount of time.

You've heard of Collecting Coins-- now try Collecting Coins... On Ice!

For the most part, that's pretty much it. You keep on playing until you run out of lives or get bored and stop. If you have friends, you can play with exactly one at a time, which is a relatively fun way to mix it up.

----- Review -----

Intuitive Design: Good

How easy is it to intuitively understand the game?

Like previous Nintendo arcade ports, the game does a good job of making itself relatively obvious at first glance. Controls are simple, enemies are obvious, and there's not that much on the screen at any time. I may be biased in thinking that jumping into the platforms is fairly obvious, because it's ingrained into my 25 year old muscle memory, but it seems to me like you would accidentally hit one and realize it was an option before you had time to get confused.

Satisfaction: Alright

How rewarding does playing the game feel?

It's pretty fun to bounce the enemies in a certain direction and make that part of your strategy for getting them ready to kick. Kicking the enemies is also fairly satisfying once they're flipped over. Still, the game seems to lack a certain something that I can't put my finger on.

Game Depth: Shallow

How deep is the gameplay?

Flip the enemies over and kick 'em until you get bored or die.

Sound Design: Minimal, Fine

How's the sound?

We're getting a little more complicated than Donkey Kong but we've still got a long ways to go before we get to Mega Man style music and sound. Once again we have a little level start ditty and some various small tunes (the game opens with a NES-ified classical music fragment, which seemed weirdly common at the time), as well as basic sounds to represent things happening. Definitely workable, not terribly impressive.

Graphics: Fine

How's it look?

We're getting a little better in this department too-- Mario Bros. looks pretty good, especially the cool faux 3D coin sprites rotating around.

It's like I can see... INTO the screen... !?

All in all, most of the enemies look fine/have cute little sprites, and the stages themselves are mostly just blocks. It's fine.

Personal Chord: No

Does the game have that undefinable "something" for me?

I've never really thought this game had the appeal of later, more familiar Mario games. At some point Mario lost my interest, but when it first started with this game, it didn't really have it either. The aesthetic doesn't seem advanced enough to really love, and the game is too simple to really find compelling. It's gonna have to be a no from me, dawg.

Play or Don't: Play

Should you waste your precious time?

Mario Bros. is a classic in its own right, and notable for spawning one of the behemoths of gaming that lasts to this day. It's a fun little game worth playing for 20 or 30 minutes if you haven't before. Otherwise, it's not really one of my favorites, it's just an important note in the margins of the gaming history bible.

-----