"Pinball" - NES/Famicom

Another day, another painstaking review of an NES game nobody cares about. Come at me, bro. Get ready to be written, review. You think you can avoid me? You can't, I'm too strong.

No video-game on this Earth can evade my critical eye.

Except the literal tens of thousands I haven't gotten to yet.

But I'm coming.

Just let me finish this one first.

----- Introduction -----

It's Pinball! Maybe that doesn't mean anything to you.

When I was a kid I used to play Pinball on the NES all the time, so it holds a special place in my heart. The cute graphics are endearing and heavily nostalgic for me, also the little title jingle, and in general I just think it's a fun game to play.

This game was programmed by Satoru Iwata (rest his soul), so if you're a fan, it might be worth checking out on that note. It was also worked on by Satoshi Matsuoka, whom I've never heard of, but apparently he's the head of the largest supercomputing company in Japan now. There's a trivia tidbit for you.

My favorite random factoid about this game, personally, is that it's one of the NES games you can obtain for your house in Animal Crossing on the Gamecube. You can bet when I found it, I instantly set it up, so all my animal friends could come to my house and play it.

They never came, because they were virtual animals, and weren't programmed to come play Pinball at my house, but I still liked to believe it was a good conversation starter for when I went over to try to flirt with Pecan, the squirrel.

I wrote her a letter one time in that game and then two days later she packed up and left my town.

I still think about that sometimes.

IRONIC COMING FROM YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL--

----- Playing the Game -----

Starting up a game of Pinball is about as straightforward as starting up a real game of pinball. You hold the A button to pull back the spring launcher, and then that shoots the ball into the 'machine,' and you're off to the races. You press left on the d-pad for the left flipper, and A to move the right flipper.

I think I just explained the entire game and everything I have to say to you.

Yeah, I don't... I don't know what to say, I just... it's a virtual pinball game, I don't, uh...

There's a handful of different objects on the screen to ball-smash for various point amounts. You've got some bumpers with 100s on them, some cards to flip over by going in the little slots (which temporarily put a stopper in-between your flippers if you hit them all), some little pingy-dingies on the side there with numbers... some Pac-Man pellets to pick up on the top left which activate the seals for maximum beach-ball bounce points.

UWORT UWORT UWORT UWO-- that's me imitating the noise the seals make, not me having a stroke.

Probably the most memorable thing about this game and most interesting to mention is that if you go in the little red hole on the bottom portion, your ball comes out in a "Bonus Stage" which features Mario running around with a piece of track to bounce the ball off of it. It seems like you can break the blocks on the top and save Princess Peach (Daisy? Toadstool?) (Edit: I looked it up and apparently it's Pauline, of Super Mario Odyssey fame lately), but after several tries I couldn't make it happen so I'm not sure. It's tough to keep the ball up in there.

"I'll save you princess! ... and there goes the ball again-- look, nevermind, this is some BS."

Eventually you run out of balls and the game stops and that's about all there is to say about that. There's only one machine to play, so I hope you like playing it.

----- Review -----

Spitting Rage: We good, dawg

Does the game make you want to tear your own organs out of your body?

It's not really that hard. It's a pinball game. It's mostly just a fun distraction; I find it hard to take it that seriously.

Intuitive Design: Good

How easy is it to intuitively understand the game?

Again, it's pinball. Once you mash the buttons and know how to work the flippers it's rather obvious in every sense what you're doing.

Satisfying Gameplay: Good

How rewarding does playing the game feel?

It's a fun little game, and bouncing the ball off stuff feels pretty rewarding. There's definitely a skill element that makes it satisfying when you get the ball where you were trying to.

Game Depth: Shallow

How deep/long is the game?

Again... pinball. You hit a ball into stuff. I'm sure there's strategies, but for the most part no, it doesn't seem very depthy. There's also only one level.

Sound Design: Minimal, Good

How's the sound?

I'm stepping this game up to good from fine, because I like the sounds the machine makes. This is just my biased, stupid opinion, you don't have to agree with me. I just think the sounds are fun. Look, it's my blog, okay? You can talk about the sounds on your own blog if you hate them so much.

Graphics: Fine

How's it look?

I like the way the seals look. Things could be more detailed but it's a pinball machine if I ever saw one.

Personal Chord: Maybe a little!

Does the game have that undefinable "something" for me?

I think it's mostly just nostalgia, but I feel a little bit of a thing for this game. I think the graphics and sound are pretty cute and I like playing it once in awhile. I'll toss it a bone in the personal category.

Play or Don't: Sure

Should you waste your precious time?

It's simple and not as good as other pinball games, but it's fun and cute. I think it's probably worth playing at least once just to check it out. In retrospect, it's not exactly a ground-shaking experience, though.

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