"Tennis" - NES/Famicom

Alright, let's get this other sports game out of the way so we can play some real games for awhile after this. Not that sports games aren't real games, if you're into that kind of thing.

Also NBA Jam exists, and if that's not a real game then nothing is-- but I digress.

----- Introduction -----

Much like Baseball, it seems Tennis was designed by Shigeru Miyamoto. You can see that the characters look relatively cute, and the game definitely has a "Nintendo-made" feel to it that seems to come with Miyamoto's work on the NES. 

There wasn't really a lot to compete with on the NES when this one came out, so I could imagine some early buyers may have been glad to have something fresh to play. Personally, as a kid, I always stayed completely away from any sports games period, because I knew they were pretty much always the same thing, so I probably wouldn't have played Tennis.

But I'm gonna play it now.

I picked singles game because I don't think I'm mature enough for a relationship.

----- Playing the Game -----

I went ahead and took it easy on myself by selecting the easiest difficulty right off the bat, because I know my limits with a sports game. As soon as it gets hard I'm going to bail, because I don't like sports games, so I figured I'd better go ahead and put it on easy so I can see enough of the game to review it.

Tennis mostly revolves around taking turns as the server and hitting the ball back and forth over the net until one of you doesn't hit it so good, and then the other person gets 15 points. Get 40 points and score once more and you win the round. Those are the rules of NES Tennis, anyway.

You would think I could hit the ball since I picked the easiest difficulty.

My favorite thing as I was playing the game was noticing the erratic and silly ways that the opponent moves. He does funny little dances and waltzes across the court to hit the ball in an awesome way. He pretty much always looks like he has to pee and is trying really hard to hold it in.

"Just hit the ball, PLEASE!"

"Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and that's my best effort I need to go"

It's hard to really say much about this game, we hit the ball back and forth and scored points until eventually I won 6 rounds and then the game progressed to round "II", but it was the same thing as far as I could tell and I quickly lost interest and quit. I assume that if you win two out of three sections of the match, you win the match. If you're curious, maybe you should play it.

But anyway, you get the idea.

----- Review -----

Spitting Rage: ... well, I was playing on easy...

Does the game make you want to tear your own organs out of your body?

So, no... it was fine.

Intuitive Design: Good

How easy is it to intuitively understand the game?

Pretty straight forward: move with the d-pad, hit the ball with A. You can learn the basic rules of what is a good hit and what isn't by seeing how the game responds, if you don't know tennis rules (I wasn't aware that serves had to be behind the line on the opponent's side of the court, but I learned from the game yelling at me).

Satisfying Gameplay: ... well, I was playing on easy...

How rewarding does playing the game feel?

It wasn't really that challenging, so it's hard to say if I would have felt more satisfaction winning against a harder CPU, but it's a sports game and I'm really not sure that I have the patience to do so. As far as actually hitting the ball and the way it responds, I'd say that it feels relatively good.

Game Depth: Shallow

How deep/long is the game?

Tennis isn't really that complicated; there are caveats but for the most part you just hit the ball over the net and keep it inside the lines. There's more strategy than that, but it still all revolves around hitting the ball over the net and inside the lines... The game gives you a little bit of strategy by making B button a high-hit and A button a low-hit.

Sound Design: Minimal, Fine

How's the sound?

The theme from Baseball and Pro Wrestling makes another return. Which is excellent. Other than that, sounds are mostly bleeps and bloops. Nothing extraordinary. Side note: I think this has been my rating on every single game so far...

Graphics: Fine

How's it look?

Since they're designed by Shigeru Miyamoto again, the characters look pretty good. All in all, the game looks fine and it's clear what's being represented by what.

Personal Chord: Nah

Does the game have that undefinable "something" for me?

It's pretty rare for a sports game to do much for me personally. It's nothing... personal.

Play or Don't: Eh

Should you waste your precious time?

It's just a standard Tennis game. It is designed by Miyamoto again, but to be honest I feel like there have to be more fun tennis games on the NES than this. It's very basic. I wouldn't personally recommend wasting your time.

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Heheh... classic.